WotWentWrong: The Dumper Form
The key to customer service is following up with clients. You need to give them an open door to voice their concern and express their level of satisfaction. Seeing as how this is 2012 and dating is just another product you buy online, the role of customer service needs to be streamlined as well.
In what has been hailed as an app that, “takes the mystery out of the dating dumps,” WotWentWrong answers the call that never came. That is, when the person you’re dating just stops calling and you want to know why. WotWentWrong is on the job and will get a full report on your personal flaws and ineptitudes that prevented your date from pursuing your affections.
The way it works is simple. First you’ve gotta get dumped. This is actually harder than it seems. See, in a strange flaw of human nature people are attracted to those that are terrible for them. It’s being on your best behavior that makes them lose interest. So really, the more you try to get dumped the more likely they’re going to want to keep you around.
Once you manage to get dumped, or the person finally decides they can’t take it anymore and stops calling. Or maybe their friends hold an intervention and whisk them away to a mountain resort to keep them from their ‘trying to get dumped’ mate. Then you’re ready to use WotWentWrong.
Now that you’ve been successfully (and in most cases) inexplicably dumped, you want to know why things fell apart. There you were in a relationship and they all of a sudden lost interest. They might have found someone else, or they might have been turned off by something that you were doing. With WotWentWrong you can set up a quick dating dump ready form and send it off to them. Your dumper will then be (presumably) delighted to provide you the feedback necessary for you to improve your dating services for the next person.
While a very small segment of critics have expressed concern that this brings, “Psycho to a whole new level,” we’ve decided to refrain from passing judgment. We will note that there’s a reason why the tried and true, “It’s not you, it’s me” has been around for so long. But fear not, this is one of the options in the “Hey! You just dumped me! Will you please now fill out a survey?” survey.
The internet is a place for new ideas and for people to move the things they do offline, to cyberspace. WotWentWrong does that. Rather than having a mutual friend call, or spending countless hours wondering, you can now safely know why you were dumped and make appropriate behavioral corrections. Since online dating innovations are beginning to go past the superficial, “Hello, nice to meet you,” stages of romance, we’d like to suggest the following applications that the makers of Dating Dumps, err I mean WotWentWrong, might consider.
- An application that helps matriarchs and spinsters join forces in harassing those whose singleness is, in their view, salvageable.
- A timer mobile app that lets people enter relevant social cues and then tells them exactly how long they should wait before calling their love interest.
- A web site that helps cultivate a relationship with your ex’s best friend, or your best friend’s ex. Forms will be sent out, permission will be asked for. Then a knowledge transfer session will be scheduled to help ease the transition. We can all be adults about this people- you know everyone does it anyway.
- A dating website that takes you through the basics of online bios and whatnot. Then once it seems it’s about to introduce you to potential mates it brings up a screen and sends constant reminders to, “Just go to the gym.”
In any case, WotWentWrong has broken new ground in the online dating arena. Indeed they have built an application that allows people to inquire of their lost love interests as to why they left. It’s the romance story of the 21st century. But hey, a little constructive criticism couldn’t hurt, could it? Time will tell.